The Cosmic Auction and the Bid for Gold
At Premier Estate Buyer Boca Raton, unusual transactions were rare, but nothing could have prepared them for the extraterrestrial gold auction about to unfold in their store.
Greg, the store’s manager, had just finished appraising a vintage Rolex when the front door slid open with a futuristic whoosh—despite the fact that it was a regular glass door with hinges.
A floating orb the size of a basketball hovered inside. It was glowing, pulsating, and emitting an unsettling humming noise.
"Greetings, earthlings!" the orb boomed telepathically. "I am Zorgon-7, Supreme Collector of Cosmic Rarities!"
Greg sighed. "Right. And what can I do for you today?"
The orb vibrated excitedly. "I am here to participate in the intergalactic auction for gold. I assume you are Boca Raton Gold Buyer?"
Greg glanced around. "Technically, yeah."
The orb zipped to the counter. "Excellent. I wish to bid against your highest-paying customers for Earth's finest gold artifacts."
Greg rubbed his temples. "We don’t really do auctions here. We just, you know… buy gold."
Zorgon-7 blinked (somehow, despite not having eyes). "No bidding wars? No dramatic price battles? No heated arguments over a 17th-century golden chalice once used by pirate lords?"
Greg shrugged. "Nope. Just appraisals and fair market rates."
Zorgon-7 let out a disappointed beep. "Fine. What do you have?"
The Unusual Bidding War
Greg pulled out an antique gold bar, a rare Roman coin, and an ornate golden mask from an unknown civilization.
Zorgon-7 studied the items, scanning them with an invisible beam.
Just then, the door slammed open again.
A seven-foot-tall lizard in a business suit stomped in, adjusting his tiny spectacles.
"ZORGON, YOU FOOL!" the lizard boomed. "You think you can outbid Ssslithor, the Interdimensional Wealth Collector?"
Greg put his face in his hands. "Oh no."
Ssslithor slammed a clawed hand onto the counter. "I offer three neutronium ingots for the golden mask!"
Zorgon-7 buzzed furiously. "I counter with a black hole fragment!"
Ssslithor hissed. "Two black hole fragments!"
Zorgon-7 vibrated. "A planet’s worth of gold!"
Greg held up a hand. "Guys, we only accept earth currency."
The two cosmic beings stared at Greg in silence.
"How… primitive," Zorgon-7 whispered.
"Disappointing," Ssslithor muttered.
With that, the two vanished in flashes of light, leaving Greg standing alone with a pile of gold.
He sighed and wrote himself a reminder to never open the door for floating orbs again.
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